We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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