he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
