honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
