grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
