I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
