hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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