I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
