the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
