We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
