he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
