ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
