i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
