Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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