Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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