6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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