theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
