remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
