I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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