she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
