you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
