I just pynch a tree in the face
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
