It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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