How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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