I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
