it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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