so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
