So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
