Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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