The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
operation have a gay friend backfired
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
