too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize