Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
