I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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