I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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