remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
