I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Someone signed my nipple.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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