Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
