My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
