Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
