Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
