Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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