yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
