And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
