I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
