I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize