Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
