Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are we still banned from the library?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
