MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
did i just pee glitter
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
