How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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