two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
