im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
