Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The ass gains better be worth it
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