The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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