Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
