I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
