He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
