i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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