a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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