I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
