I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
