had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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