my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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