kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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