He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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