Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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