Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
