I didn't shave. On purpose
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
