I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
