My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
