i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
